The Memoir of Severus Snape
by Blacketernia13
Summary: A series of analytic reviews of the life and death of Severus Snape, each adds new perspectives and eventually leads to one conclusion. This is a bit of a logic puzzle and I'm anxious to see if anyone can get it before the whole story is up.
1. On Death and General Appearances

Disclaimer: This is fanfiction, therefore it is not mine.

The Memoir of Severus Snape:

Written in its entirety by someone who is most certainly NOT the aforesaid mentioned man.

~Chapter 1: On Death and General Appearances~

The question was never whether or not he could have survived. No, Severus Snape was a brilliant man; he had the credentials to prove it. He'd been potions master and head of the Slytheran house before he was even thirty years old. From there, he would become headmaster of Hogwarts and the right hand man of both Lord Voldemort and Albus Dumbledor. And he didn't get there for nothing, he was brilliant with logic and his intellect was unbeatable. Thus, when the dreadful clammy beast had thrown herself upon him, he had hardly been shocked. Well to put it in his words exactly; "I would have been more shocked if she hadn't"... At least, those would be his words.... if he were not presently dead.

But as always, knowing is only half the battle. Having assured himself that he would in fact be mauled by one giant venomous snake, Severus Snape could easily have prepared a temporary anti venom to assist in his survival of the encounter, whenever it might occur. As well, a simple blood replenishing potion could have been kept on hand, in the case that the anti venom was not strong enough, or he needed to buy some time to formulate a more spontaneous cure for one reason or another. Was not our dearest professor, master of both dark arts and potions, and claimer of the ability to; "Put a stopper in death"?

Perhaps this question is better answered by yet another, 'Why would he want to'?

Yes at any given point in his life and despite his career oriented success, Severus Snape did not have a lot going for him. He was hardly a popular man, nor gifted with social graces. He was certainly unattractive to make things worse; greasy haired and hook nosed. No, Severus Snape did not have much to look forward to... besides of course, a trial.

And oh! What a trial it would have been! Especially since both his former masters were also, at present, dead; one of which by his very own hand! Despite this, it was likely that, should he put the work into it, he'd _eventually _come out on top. Perhaps he'd even be awarded a shiny new Order of Merlin for all his fine work, or someone might do him the honour of naming a street after him. Oh, and if he was really lucky, he might even have an entire autobiography written for him; peering into every miserable corner of his long and dreary life.

So it was obvious that, to Severus Snape, the small scrap of hardware he _might _recieve was hardly worth the years of dealing with the Ministry of Magic and all their dunderheaded servents. Yes, perhaps it was better just to die.

So, what if anything can be learned about the end of the most sour and foul Severus Snape? Sometimes, something that seems like and end is merely a beginning, and so with that, sometimes, not everything is quite as it appears.


	2. On General Theories

Disclaimer: This is fanfiction... therefore it is not mine.

The Memoir of Severus Snape:

Written in its entirety by someone who is most certainly not the aforesaid mentioned man.

~Chapter 2: On General Theories Surrounding the Survival of the Aforesaid Mentioned Professor~

DISCLAIMER: The late professor, Severus Snape, would like to remind everyone that he in no way endorses this unofficial analysis of his life, however correct or plausible these conclusions may seem, they are entirely third party speculations.... or he would say this were he alive and well enough to do so.

Now, if we assume that our professor, Severus Snape, did in fact predict his encounter with the one and only Nagini, and, because he no longer had reason to live (Unless of course you consider the Order of Merlin he _maybe_ would have won. Who knows? Rare paper weights might be plenty reason to live for some...) chose to attend his death unprepared, we can conclude that he accepted death willingly.

There are some who will hold claim, that Severus Snape did in fact travel prepared and although his death was witnessed (by all three members of the golden trio, I might add) his body was never recovered. Those in this school of thought will also attest that he is currently on a beach somewhere warm, sipping various alcoholic beverages and surrounded by a harem of women. I would like to assure you that this is most certainly NOT true. It should be remembered that Severus Snape cannot be in the sun long enough to warrant a visit somewhere warm. His pale skin simply cannot tolerate high levels of UV rays without serious and painful repercussions.

Likewise, he was not rescued by some daring or adoring character. Severus Snape was completely and utterly forgotten during the confusion of the final battle, despite the fact that his final memories greatly changed the golden trio's image of him. It was not for another week, in fact, that poor Neville, entirely by accident, stumbled across his body; devoid of blood but for the most part intact, still inside the shrieking shack. He was of course, not, marred beyond all recognition, but rather, his body was easily identified and he had quite a lovely, and well attended, open casket funeral.

And so, as the final nail is hammered into the coffin of the infamous Severus Snape, I can assure you that he is not hiding in the bed of Hermione Granger (or any other man or woman for that matter) No, they never had a fling, or an affair and they did not flee the wizarding world together. She did attend his funeral, however afterwards, she returned to her home with her darling boyfriend Ronald Weasly. Additionally, she has agreed to remain available for contact by owl, to answer any questions along these regards.

PS: It has come to my attention that another theory surrounding the survival of Severus Snape is currently circulating the internet. In my opinion, which may or may not count for much, this is by far the most ridiculous idea of all, and I am hard pressed to take it seriously. Yet, I am, unfortunately, assured that many people do believe this lunacy to be credible and thus I will address it now, in brevity.

Severus Snape is NOT a vampire. He did not rise from the grave in unlife. Anyone who takes this fictitious concept for fact, should feel welcome to inspect his grave and find that his body is still firmly sealed within the coffin. And, for the sake of humanity, those who feel said inspection was entirely necessary, should feel free to bury themselves in, along side the coffin.


End file.
